So who else caught the 4-hour premiere of the new season of ”24“ this week? I’m in love with this show not just because it’s a taut thriller but because it never fails to evoke emotion in me and I’m a terrible drama addict. (Just ask any of the other Squawkers.) The final moments of the second episode had me bawling like a baby one minute, then rolling off the couch to my knees the next, screaming, “Oh my gosh...oh my gosh...OH MY GOSH!!!” (Fortunately there was no one else home at the time.) Yes, our intrepid hero Jack Bauer was looking a little thin and haggard after two years of being tortured in a Chinese prison but it didn’t take him much time to snap back into full-blown action mode. Has anyone ever made a kill-shot to the head look sexier?
So today I bring you…
JACK BAUER’S RULES OF ROMANCE
1) The more I love you, the higher your chances of being killed by a foreign operative.
2) Your kids will never get on my nerves because my own daughter (known in many on-line communities simply as “Spawn of Jack") is the most petulant, sullen, annoying character ever created. (Sadly enough, in six seasons, she’s the only character NOT to get killed.)
3) Forget the flowers and candy. Nothing says “I love you, baby” like a good interrogation.
4) If you catch me whispering sweet nothings in a beautiful terrorist’s ear, I’m probably just saying, “I WILL kill you.” And I will.
5) Since I only have 24 hours to save the world, I may only have time for a quickie. (As opposed to say...a hot meal and a shower.)
6) Not to worry. I always carry breath mints just in case I have to rip out someone’s throat with my teeth before meeting you for lunch.
7) If your parents just happen to be connected to international terrorists, I won’t have to worry about those pesky in-law visits during the holidays.
8) I’m an excellent packer for those romantic getaways. All I need is a backpack and a couple of bananas.
9) No need for birth control because our odds of surviving more than 12 hours without some kind of nuclear attack are not high.
10) If you like the kinky stuff, I’ve had a lot of experience with ropes and chains.