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    Thursday, January 05, 2006

    When Good Celebrities Have Bad Plastic Surgery

    We all have our little guilty pleasures--never missing an episode of our favorite soap, keeping a bag of dark chocolate Hershey's Kisses stashed in our desk drawer, visiting at least once a week.
    If you haven't visited this site before, it explains baffling mysteries of the universe such as:

    Why is Melanie Griffith's formerly svelte upper lip now the size of a Michelin tire?
    What are those Frankenstein-like scars Tara Reid reveals every time she "accidentally" flashes the paparazzi?

    Why did Sandra Bullock's lovely face have no expression in TWO WEEK'S NOTICE?

    And the most haunting question of all--Why does the formerly gorgeous Priscilla Presley now look like Jack Nicholson in BATMAN? Has she been visiting her former son-in-law Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon?

    One quick visit to the site should be all it takes to convince you to grow old gracefully, preferably with your own lips, breasts and other assorted body parts. And for those of you who prefer to ascribe to the current theory that 50 is the new 30, it should hearten you to know that Frances Bavier (Aunt Bee) was in her late 40's when ANDY GRIFFITH began filming--the exact same age Sheryl Crowe is now. (And if you've seen Sheryl Crowe lately, you'll know why that's encouraging.)

    My personal role model for aging gracefully is Annette Bening. When we saw OPEN RANGE back in '03, my husband kept gushing about how beautiful she was. Her face was soft, luminous, full of expression...and more than a few wrinkles. She obviously hadn't had any "work" done and had blessedly remembered that one needs an expression to act. Not since he married me have I been so impressed with my husband's excellent taste in women!

    According to, young celebrities are just as likely to fall beneath the surgeon's knife. Shows like THE SWAN and EXTREME MAKEOVER (past guilty pleasures for some of you, I'm sure) only reinforced the destructive notion that there is only one standard for beauty. What's really sad is that while some of the contestants really did benefit from corrective dental surgery, all most of these women needed were a few fashion and make-up tips from our Lisa.

    Personally, I've spent hours staring at Sarah Jessica Parker's face, trying to figure out why it's considered attractive, yet wildly grateful that it is. Sarah is a lot like Barbra Streisand and Cher were in my youth. They gave me hope because if they could be considered beautiful, then maybe I (with my oversized nose and frizzy hair) could too. To this day, I'd rather look like Barbra than Barbie.

    So now you know my guilty secret and my guilty pleasure. If you're more virtuous than me, you can always visit Some of the most heavily featured celebrities on that site include Demi Moore, Chelsea Clinton, Teri Hatcher and...Sarah Jessica Parker.